A Heavy Crown
by ninjanervana
Summary: Pre-Series. Chuck finds Blair when she's at her weakest and she hates him for it. She also loves him for it.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own these characters, I just like writing fanfiction lol

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Blair hated him as he stood in her bathroom doorway, eyes widening slightly before his cool, calm facade was back in place. She hated him for seeing her so vulnerable; she did not show weakness especially not around him. It was part of their unspoken rule: they could scheme together, make cruel remarks to one another, cast withering gazes that would have frightened off most of the UES but they did not show weakness. She hated the concerned tone in his voice as her eyelids flickered open, her body resting against the cool porcelain of the tub. She stood up on shaky legs and walked to the sink, ignoring him as she brushed her teeth.

Chuck was angry with her as he watched her brush her teeth, deliberately ignoring him. He hated her maid, Dorota, who had called him with her apron all in a twist because Blair wouldn't come out of the bathroom. He hated her stupid best friend, Serena, who was probably somewhere partying it up while Blair needed her. He hated his best friend, Nate, the boyfriend who should have been standing in the bathroom doorway, not him. The boyfriend who wasn't with his girlfriend when she needed him the most. He hated her as he was forced to pick her bathroom lock, his heart thudding in his chest. He hated her for the panic that seized him as the door opened to reveal a pale Blair, her eyes closed as she was slumped against the tub. He hated her for the concern in his voice as he called her name, hated her for the relief that washed over him as her eyes opened slowly.

Blair put her toothbrush away, adjusting her passion red headband before she walked to the door. "Get out of my way Bass," she snapped as he stretched his arm out, blocking her exit.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself Waldorf?" Chuck replied harshly. He couldn't figure out why she was making herself sick; she had a body most Upper East Siders had to dish out money for.

"It's none of your business," she said, pushing past him to sit on her bed.

"It is when your maid calls me freaking out because you won't open the goddamned door."

"Dorota is so fired," Blair said, resting her head in her hands. The purging sessions always left her tired after; all she wanted to do was take a nap. "Can you just leave Chuck?"

"No," he replied curtly. He wasn't going to leave until he got some answers out of her.

"Chuck, I want you to leave," she said, her patience wearing thin as her head began to ache.

"You don't always get what you want princess."

"Damnit Chuck, get out," Blair shouted, quickly getting to her feet. She instantly regretted the sudden movement as her room tilted sickeningly. Chuck rushed forward, gripping her forearms tightly as she swayed on her feet her eyes closing slightly.

"Blair!" he exclaimed as her eyes fluttered closed for a moment, her eyelashes as delicate as a butterfly's wings. "Do you see what you're doing to yourself Waldorf?" Chuck said as he sat her on the bed, his arm resting on her side. "You're gonna kill yourself."

"I'm doing what has to be done," she answered, leaning against his side, inhaling the comforting scent of cigarettes mixed with his cologne.

"And what exactly has to be done?" he asked irritably.

"You wouldn't understand," she said softly.

"What wouldn't I understand? The pressures of trying to please an UES parent who's more interested in their stock portfolio than you? Being seen as the devil next to your angelic, loved best friend? Trying to be perfect, to seem perfect as you reign over your empire? Trust me Waldorf, I see more than you give me credit for," Chuck concluded.

Blair felt tears well up in her eyes at Chuck's words. She wasn't sure if it was the pure shock of knowing he at least really did see her or the feeling of nakedness that sent the first tears rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to be angry with him, wanted to rage at him for pulling down her walls. She felt absolutely weak and it was a feeling she prided herself on avoiding.

Chuck was alarmed as he saw the tears roll down Blair's cheeks. This was Blair Waldorf, Queen of the UES, unafraid of anyone, a force to be reckoned with. Her tears alarmed him to say the least. "Look Blair I'm sorry," he says softly, placing his finger under her chin and forcing her to look at him. The vulnerability in her eyes made his heart ache as if someone was grinding it into the dirt beneath their shoe.

Blair no longer cared that it was Chuck sitting in front of her; if nothing else Chuck was the only dependable friend she had. Serena was so flighty and Nate would get weird and distant on her but she could always depend on Chuck to be there with his trademark smirk and a sarcastic comment. She leaned into him; her face buried in his chest as her tears flowed freely, trying to silence the sob that shook her slim frame. It felt good to let the tears out, to lean on someone and have them hold you up for a moment, but she was also embarrassed at such a show of weakness; she couldn't stop the tears, her fingers gripping his shirt.

Chuck was shocked when Blair leaned into him, her salty tears soaking his shirt. He wasn't used to crying women, let alone a crying woman whom he respected and cared about. He could see her body shaking slightly though she made no sound. He wrapped him arms around her body, pulling her against his body. Blair's face moved to his neck, inhaling the smell of his cologne as her tears wet his collar. He stroked her silky hair slowly, murmuring words of comfort that he wished someone had whispered to him when he was a child. "It's okay Blair, it's okay. I'm right here."

They sat there for quite a while, Chuck holding her as she cried herself out, her legs across his. He was slightly pleased how well her body fit against his, their curves and angles matching perfectly. Slowly her tears began to slow down, her breathing calming down until finally the tears ceased completely. They didn't move right away, enjoying the comfort of feeling someone against them, someone to hold someone to hold onto.

Blair pulled back slightly, looking up at Chuck, a blush staining her cheeks.

"Are you okay?" Chuck said softly, wiping away the moisture from her cheeks.

She didn't know if she was okay; she didn't know if she would be okay. "I'm tired," she replied, resisting the urge to put her head back on his shoulder.

Chuck nodded, not expecting a straightforward answer. He slipped her heels off her feet quickly, laying her on the bed before she could protest. "Go to sleep," he said softly, covering her with a blanket as he stood up.

"Chuck," she said softly, unable to look him in the eye. She couldn't believe Chuck could make her feel so vulnerable. "Can you just...stay a while?"

Chuck's eyes widened with shock before he shook his head, untying his shoes. He lay on the bed next to her, on top of the blanket to give her some space. He held her hand in his, kissing her knuckles. "Get some sleep Waldorf, we're having dinner when you wake up."

Blair nodded, her eyes closing slowly. "Thanks," she whispered, drifting to sleep.

Chuck reached over once he was sure she was asleep, removing her red headband. A crown was a heavy thing to constantly wear.


	2. Chapter 2

This scene is later in Chuck and Blair's relationship when they're actually a couple.

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Blair hated. Hated everyone and hated everything. She hated her mother for her judgmental ways, hated her for the way she stared as she attempted to eat her sandwich, hated her for the condescending look on her face as she told her that she would never fit into the clothes she got for the upcoming season, hated her for the smile that graced her face as she pushed her plate away, half of the sandwich still untouched. She hated the cook who let her waltz into the kitchen, not saying anything as she cut a slice of chocolate cake and leaned against the counter as she ate it. She hated Dorota for not being home, for leaving to run errands, hated her for not being there to tell her that her mother was being irrational, hated her for not telling her to finish her sandwich. She hated herself as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom, hated herself as she locked the bathroom door, hated herself as she purged her body of all the food she just ate, hated the tears that ran down her cheeks as she realized she failed _again_, failed like she always did. She hated herself for the ways her hands shook as she picked up her phone, hated how weak her voice sounded as the other line was finally picked up. "Chuck?" she said brokenly, her voice barely a whisper.

"Blair, what's wrong?" Chuck asked, his untied shoes forgotten. He had been preparing for a meeting at Bass Industries, almost ready to leave. Blair's soft voice caused his stomach to drop, as if someone had dropped lead weights into it.

"Ch-chuck, I need you," she said, trying to hold in her sobs. She would not let herself seem any weaker than she already felt. Even though she loved Chuck and he loved her, she was still uncomfortable showing her weak side sometimes; old habits die-hard. "I screwed up again."

"I'm coming right now," Chuck replied, grabbing his coat off his bed and making his way to the door.

"No, I want to get out of here. Can I come to the apartment?" she asked, her knees shaking slightly as she stood.

"Of course. I'll send the limo for you; it'll be there in ten minutes."

"Thank you Chuck," Blair said, leaning against the bathroom counter.

"Anytime."

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Chuck hated. He hated whoever had upset Blair enough to make her call him in that weak, broken voice. He hated that he had to wait for her to come to him instead of rushing over to her house. He hated the tearstains down Blair's cheeks, the sad look in her eyes, the watery smile that she gave him. Blair was his goddess and he wanted his goddess to always be happy, to laugh and smile and scheme with that brilliant mind of hers. He hated whoever had done this to her.

He pulled her into his arms as he saw her standing in his doorway, closing the door behind them. Her slim frame shook with silent sobs, her face buried against his chest. He led her over to his couch, rubbing her back and whispering words of comfort as she slowed her tears. Finally she stopped her tears, wiping her cheeks as she looked at him.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" he asked, kissing her knuckles gently. The words seemed to catch in Blair's throat as she looked at Chuck, his eyes filled with worry. Would he be disappointed in her? Would he think that she was weak, that she had lost her edge? She looked down at her lap, unable to focus on his eyes. "Blair," he said softly, stroking her cheekbones gently. The soft rumbling baritone of his voice soothed her as she leaned into his touch. "Please tell me what's wrong; let me help."

Blair swallowed, taking a deep breath. "I…I relapsed," she whispered, closing her eyes, unable to face him.

Chuck's eyes widened at her words, his stomach twisting into knots. _'Oh…shit.' _Blair had been doing so much better recently; she hadn't purged in months. He knew an eating disorder didn't go away overnight; it took time, a day-by-day process. He would know; he consulted several specialists after he found out about her disorder. "Blair, what happened?" Chuck asked, forcing her to look at him.

The words came tumbling out, the entire story spilling out between them, leaving Chuck enraged at Eleanor. How could Eleanor treat Blair like that? How could she put down this beautiful, intelligent sitting before him, how could she make her feel as if she wasn't already perfect enough, how could she not see what her words were doing to her daughter. Chuck wanted nothing more than to burst into Eleanor's office and yell at her for being a complete idiot and endangering her daughter's health. He settled for pulling Blair into his lap, tucking her head under his chin.

"I'm so sorry," Blair whispered through her tears. "I-I tried so hard; I was doing so much better but I screwed up again. I failed again of course."

"Shut up Waldorf," he said, tightening his arms around her. "It's not your fault; your mother should have never said those things to you, should have never treated you that way. Then again Upper East Side parents never notice anything." He began rocking her slowly, rubbing her back gently. "You'll just have to start again. You're strong Blair; you're stronger than your disorder, you can beat this. And you'll have me by your side to help you if you need help okay? Everything's gonna be okay."

Blair nestled closer to Chuck, wrapping her arms around him. "Who knew Chuck Bass could be so caring?"

"You know, that's all that matters," he replied, kissing her head.

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Reviews please


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